Memoirs of Christina: Turning point

I've always thought that my life would remain static forever... until 2 weeks ago. Everything took a 180 degrees turn. It's awful. I used to assume that I'm always ready to put down something if it is very dear for me, for their own good... Even if it hurts me. Just that I've never thought that it would hurt so bad. Until I almost lost myself... I've lost my pillar of strength. Confusion overwhelmed me to the point that I could only stare at what happened and start crying... Although I'm better now.. My tears are starting to dry up. But, whenever I'm alone or feeling down, the wound reopens and continues to haunt me. When will it be cured? The small little things you do cuts me... The lost warmth from you, kills me... I'm constantly hurt from the little things you do. I'm constantly tired by the drama I have to fake. I'm starting to accept it as my day-to-day occurence. Then another thing happened to make it worse...

My beloved hamster, Chumi ChuChu, passed away. I didn't even get to say goodbye because of my recklessness. He didn't even get to see the chinese new year. He left us during the Chinese New Year's eve. I only started crying when i took him out of his house to be buried. When I touched his hard little body, I couldn't supress it. It is almost depressing to lose 2 precious things at one time. Worst of all, they are away from you when you want them around. First time encountering such feeling and it cuts so deep... I wonder if such things happens again, will I be brave enough to overcome it? Rest in peace Chumi, we love you a lot... Now that you and ChiChi(my other hamster who only survived 5 months, RIP two years ago) are gone from me, I can only wish for you to have all the happiness in the world.

No matter what happens, you, you and you are very precious to me and will always have a place in my heart...